Oh man...

So, although this is long overdue, I've recently realized I'm not very good at interacting with the fairer sex. The female psyche is much more complicated than my typical thought pattern. For the most part, I'm pretty straightforward. Most of my friends will tell you that I usually don't censor myself. If I'm thinking something, I'm bound to say it, despite if it's a ridiculous compliment or harsh criticism. This can result in some less than ideal conversations with the ladies (and some dudes). I've always thought honesty was the best policy. Apparently all that shit they teach about lying to women to make them feel better is true. The problem is that I hate lies. Telling the truth can get me in trouble.


When it comes to desire, whether it be material objects, food, or sex, I know what I want and I'm pretty easy to please. I just want whisky, heavy metal, and something tasty. Dudes can have an orgasm in the middle of tornado while thinking about a pile of dead puppies. However, with the ladies, it's all about the mood. The problem is that at 28 years old, I feel hornier than I've ever been. I think I need to take some saltpeter or something (although the claim it induces impotence is a myth). I actually think it's due to all the weightlifting and protein. I'm probably producing more testosterone these days.


I know I'm definitely harsh and a pig. The insane thing is that I've never been smacked. I've been told by several girls that I'm a "charming pig". This has led me to believe that my personality is fairly palatable. However, I think that only works in small spurts. Maybe for those who have known for me years the charm has worn off. Oh man, I have a lot of work to do.